Somedays it don't come easy and somedays it don't come hard

Sometimes I wonder whether writers are feted to be buffeted by the winds of self doubt and unbelief, and whether those winds paralyse or inspire us to do better.

For me, this has been one of those weeks - I've been writing, but it hasn't come easy, the flow has not been there. I've had no responses to any writing I'd submitted for a while, and the worm of self doubt has been gnawing at me. Can I really make it as a writer?

I have stories which I loved writing, and which filled me with satisfaction and pride. Glibly I've sent them off only to have my hopes ground by the heel of an editor who didn't see it the way I did.

So, if they provided feedback, I looked at the story again, rewrote, tweaked, changed. On other occasions, I looked at the story, and decided I liked it as it was.

My story 'Masai Miracle' is one that went through multiple rejections, and several tweaks, only to be rejected again. Then today, I received an email from an editor who loved it, and wants to publish it.

Miraculously self doubt has disappeared, and I know I can write. The elation will buoy me through the waves for a while, and I'll write feeling confident. It won't last forever, but I'll enjoy it while I can.

Sometimes it's not the story, but finding the market that will appreciate it.

I sometimes wonder why I put myself through this, and then I remember what one of my writing teachers once said 'I can't not write,' And I know what she meant - not writing leaves a vacuum that is filled by nothing else, until I sit before the blank page again, and the words flow, and a story is conceived.